Monday, March 14, 2011

Wheaton’s Vicious Cockpunch of Furious Anger

“Bring me his head!” the hobgoblin roared, lifting his blade to the sky. His fellows roared with him, and charged toward the skinny bearded mage.

In response the mage drew a small silver box from his belt. Flipping the lid open, he said quietly to himself “Here’s a little something to make you feel strange, and me good.” He brought his fingers to the box, and the hobgoblins were suddenly surrounded by a wall of shimmering force.

The hobgoblin chief howled wrathfully. Removing a small silvery ball from his belt pouch and threw it at the mage. It missed, but only just, and landed in the bushes behind the mage. “Don’t think I’m chasing that.” He called out just before the bushes exploded, knocking him to the ground.

“Oh, that’s it. Now I’m mad.” Pushing himself up “Prepare yourself for Wheaton’s Vicious Cockpunch of Furious Anger!” His clenched fist makes a powerful uppercut motion, and the angry eyes of the hobgoblin bulge in shock. A short gasp escapes his lips as he folds in on himself before falling into a fetal position.


Wheaton’s Vicious Cockpunch of Furious Anger
Level 2 Magic User Spell
Range: 120'
Duration: Instantaneous
Effect: 1 target

When cast, this spell causes a fist of force to unerringly strike the target in a location of the casters choosing. The target will suffer 1d4 points of damage for every 3 levels of the magic user. In addition the target must make a saving throw vs death ray. If passed, the target will be stunned for 1d6 rounds. If failed, the target will fall unconscious for 1d10 turns. The spell may only be cast after a wizard has suffered damage.


  1. My favorite moment from the entirety of the Penny Arcade/PvP podcasts. A picture-perfect moment of gaming frustration captured on tape.