5e WNW: To Escape Wonderland

5e WNW - Session 23 of the weird new world campaign was played on Friday 9/4.

The party consisted of the following:
Nessendra, Wood Elf Cleric 5 (Erindel)
Kethra, Human Fighter 5 (Niki)
Bach, Dragonborn Warlock 5 (Erik)
Riia, Human Ranger 5 (Hanna)
Guy Noir, ½ Elf Rogue 5 (Nadia)
Anya Bowen, Tiefling Ranger 5 (Allison)
Egan Gorman "Bingles" Sharpless Rosenberg, Gnome Fighter 5 (Julia)
Zugun, Coffin-bound Human Priest (NPC)

Tizala the Bride of the Red King departed peacefully, and the party packed up and headed out. Shortly before lunch they came across a perfectly cute cottage. The party approaches, and knocks on the door. It opens to reveal an old woman with a GIANT head.

"Well HELLO!! Do come in!!" She says in a positively saccharine voice, grabbing elbows, and dragging everyone inside, sitting them gently upon plastic covered couches. Pale pink wallpaper, crocheted doilies, and small ceramic knick-knacks are the dominant features of the room. She seems overly happy to have visitors, and gives everyone a cup of tea, whether they want one or not, as well as scones and crumpets. Bingles is repeatedly shown back to his seat. Riia excused herself to use the bathroom, and investigated the mirror hanging above the sink. While large enough to fit her head through, it wasn't much help, though on the other side she say a rough outhouse style bathroom (two seater!) designed for larger than normal sized people. While Bach drained his teacup, everyone else just held theirs, and tried to get answers from the old woman. They learned little, only that she wasn't native to the land and came through a lake to get there. That she avoided the vampires, and they seemed to avoid her. That the flower children were planted by "The Gardener" and that it's not a nice creature. Finally she said she didn't have a mirror to offer. The party quickly thanked her for the tea, and scurried from the cabin at a less than polite speed.

Further down the trail they heard, but didn't see, wolves, and then stumbled into the middle of an extremely well tended bit of wilderness. Spotting a sphinx sitting off to the side, watching them like mice in a pantry, they again flee. The sphinx yawns at their departure.

A little beyond that, they come to a small mountain lake, the far side of which stood a group of men, 3 in red, one in blue. At the same time, a large brown rabbit with a horn hopped by muttering about being late, chased by a girl in a brown dress. They either didn't notice the party, or ignored them as they went down a flight of stairs that went underground. The figures at the far side of the lake caught sight of the party and advanced cautiously.

"Did you see them?" The man in blue asked the party. "Did you see the rabbit and the girl??"

The party pointed at the stairs, and the man in blue "I'm the doctor, but you can call me Bones" points to the guys in red and says that they didn't see either the rabbit or the girl. Focusing on the party, he pulls out a small wand and waves it at them. "I'd really like to get some samples, if you wouldn't mind." Looking at Nessendra "What color is your blood?" Conversation was interrupted when a troop of vampires in black and white came marching from the trees. Bones looked at them, then at the party, and decided that he needed to report this, and that clearly this wasn't a good location for shore leave. With that, he yells "Bring us up!" or something like that, and they disappear.

Deciding, once again, that they had a mission to get on with, they ran from the vampire troop. Hours later they spied a large stone tower with a turret sticking out of the side, that had a turret sticking out the side, that had a turret sticking out the side, that ALSO had a turret sticking out the side. There was a single door at ground level, and a single window on the highest turret. They knocked on this door, and a pale man with long black hair, and red lacquered armor answered blearily after a short while.

"Vat do you vant?"

"We're selling girl scout cookies!" Riia blurts out. Guy quickly conjures boxes of illusory cookies.

He stares at Riia. "Made with real girls counts?"

"Yup! Brownies, and sprinkled with daises!"

He invites them into the entry chamber. They use Zugun as a table, and pile the boxes on top of him. They settle on the price; a full sized standing mirror, which the second vampire up on the balcony above went to get. When the party gets the mirror in front of them, they basically begin to jump into it one by one in rapid succession. The vampires aren't down with this behavior, and leap to attack. Anya flails about ineffectively for almost the entire fight, Guy gets jumped on, but the vampire's fangs stick in the leather collar of his armor. Bingle's chucks an ax at one before being dragged through the mirror by Bach, and Kethra hulks out on the other vampire (Puny vampire!) while Nessendra grabs Zugun and tossed him though. One vampire briefly comes through the mirror still attached to Guy, knocking the mirror over in the process.

On the far side, the mirror tumbles to the ground as Guy and the vampire jump through. The mirror shatters, and the vamp is quickly dispatched.

"Who are you, and what are you doing in my castle!" A plate armored man with a flaming sword boomed out.

Looking around, the party realizes they're in the entry hall of a wooden keep. Several guards stand around the room wide eyed with disbelief and a bit of terror. Riai apologises for the party's barging in uninvited and asks where (and when) they are. The lord confirms the date (only a week or so since they left the chaos citadel) and that they're somewhere in the middle of the Shudder Mountains, and asks would they please vacate his castle!

Thanking the lord for his time, the party departs the castle out onto a fairly wide cart path.