Why Flailsnails is Awesome

I'm playing in a large play by post flailsnails game based in The Bleaklands. My character, Boarface was a simple fighter with one adventure under his belt as a PC. Originally he was the hireling of Nick the Pike, but struck out on his own after Nick failed to keep his morale up.

Well, Boarface died fighting some ghouls. Not a shock given the fact that he was just level one. What is shocking is that more people didn't die.

Death has not been the end of his story though, because one of the other players had bought a magic bean, and planted it. The resulting growth looked "like two toddlers smashed together and wrapped in bacon. He looks happy as a clam though, all feet covered in soil with leaves growing out of his head. Every once in a while it sort of squirms a little bit, but it doesn't wake up."

Someone suggested putting Boarface's body next to the thing. After about a day's worth of debate, it was decided, and my poor character was thrown to this strange plant thing. This is what happened:

Boarface's boneless corpse is draped around the base of the hideous wooden boy. By morning, shoots and leaves cover the body and the leaves have turned a dull red color. The awful little moppet finally stirs, twisting this way and that, snapping off small branches and roots, and dislodging most of the leaves, except for a, now bright red, shock of leaf hair on top of its head. It topples out of the pot onto the ground with a dull thud, before brushing itself off and standing up, and looking around confused.

Congratulations +David Brawley! Boarface is alive again, although now he is a hideously ugly wooden boy. Corpulent and squat, neo-Boarface retains his previous stats with the following modifications: STR 12 DEX 10 CON 16 CHA 5, AC is naturally 5, but you can no longer wear armor except for helmets and shields, your woody hands count as clubs (1-6B), immunity to poisons (unless designed to effect plants, in which case normal effects) and half damage from electricity and bludgeon weapons, but double damage from fire. You lose all previous racial abilities, but you were a human so that shouldn't matter. You need water and sunlight instead of food, and your foul tasting but nourishing leaves can provide three meals per week for others.
I'm quite excited to hear about Boarface running around the FLAILSNAILverse now!

This is why flailsnails is awesome!

New Magic Item: Goblin Jug

"No! Give it back!" the loud high pitched voice screamed.

"Mine!" replied a voice that sounded like it came from a mouth full of gravel.

"What's going on?" Feris whispered, as the sound of something being tossed across a room came through the door.

"I'm not sure" Allianora replied. "It sounds like the old guy took something from the girl."

"Ha!" The first voice squeaked. "Mine again! And you can't have it!"

"What language are they speaking?"

"Some sort of goblin." Allianora's brow creased as the first voice screamed.

"Let go!"

"I want to drink it next!"

"You can't! It's mine" The sound of a stopper being pulled seemed oddly loud, as was the gulping that followed.

"I never get to drink from it first." the second voice complained.

"Thathhh's bekoz uuurrrr big buuuu dub." the first voice slurred. "Heeeere."

"Let me guess, you want the jug."

"No... My master had one. I'll be happy never to see another one ever again."

Goblin Jug

These jugs are always made in image of the face of a goblin, usually looking drunk. The enchantment upon them is unique to goblin-kin, and it causes any liquid poured into it to ferment in a single hour. The resulting brew is highly intoxicating, and vile to non-goblins. Rarely, a goblin jug will produce a magical brew that retains the same taste and intoxicating effects, but also functions as a magical potion (roll randomly). Each jug contains enough liquid to get 10 goblins rip-roaring drunk.

Image Source: Handmade Growlers

Bits and Bobs VII

Humanoids and their role in the game world seems to be the main theme of this round of Bits and Bobs.

Talysman of The Nine and Thirty Kingdoms offers up a very fairy take on goblins, and one that cleaves closely to how they are in my gameworld.

Peter of Dungeon Fantastic addresses the same issue in his post on the problem of orc kids.

And Paul over at Blog of Holding takes on kobold ecology.

Brock Cusick from The Tombs of Akrasia discusses the Orcs of his world. They're cauldron born!

The New Big Dragon over at Save Vs. Dragon has put together what I think is a really useful PDF with all the treasure types from the different early editions of D&D (Oe, 1e, BX or HB).

And speaking of PDFs, ever wonder what to do with them? If you're like me, you like having the dead tree version of your books. You don't have to go through Lulu to get it done, you can do it yourself in softcover or hardcover.

My 2,000cp on Empty Rooms & Hallways

Over the years much blood has been spilled in megadungeons. Yet that flow can not match the ink spent writing, drawing, and talking about them. This past week a significant amount was spurred by a post in which Tenkar discusses the lack of enjoyment he and his group had playing Dwimmermount, stemming from empty (aka boring) rooms and other rooms with such ridiculous things as 9 rats with 2,000cp.

Now, I haven’t read Dwimmermount, but I have read Joseph Bloch's Castle of the Mad Archmage, Michael Curtis’ Stonehell (anxiously awaiting part 2), Greg Gillespie’s Barrowmaze I & II, and Castle Zagyg, and I’ve played in Castle Zagyg and Stonehell.

Truly empty rooms are rare. There’s usually something in it. Yet at the same time there are empty places in megadungeons... and even regular sized dungeons! Most of the truly empty spaces in dungeons are the hallways, and that’s something that I don’t see getting talked about much.

Is a hallway really very different from a room? In most places I go, hallways are just as likely to have a piece of furniture, some sort of decorative flourish, and sometimes even utilitarian feature like a telephone. Posters, pictures, murals, sculptures, tables, chairs, etc. Why shouldn’t there be just as great a chance for there to be a trap, monster, special, or empty in a corridor?

I know I like putting things in hallways. Sometimes a statue, or a tapestry. Even a pile of burnt torches and a shattered shield. A lot of time it works best as an indicator of what’s in the room. Rat droppings, graffiti, scorch marks, funky smells, etc. can all be big clues about what’s to come. Also, there are some monsters that would benefit from having confined spaces to work in to reduce their target’s ability to maneuver - I’m thinking stirges, swarms, and things that drop from the ceiling or fly.

So I suggest the next time you're designing a dungeon, or other interior location, spend a moment and think about those empty areas linking the "interesting" bits together.


1d12 Hallway Features

1. Decorative architectural feature (columns, arches, domes, etc.)
2. Fountain
3. Mosaic
4. Mounted head (1-3 Animal, 4-5 Monster, 6 Humanoid)
5. Mural
6. Privy/closet
7. Seat/bench
8. Shelves
9. Shrine
10. Statue
11. Tapestry
12. Weapon/Armor (decorative 95%, real 4%, magic 1%)

1d20 Additional Hallway Features

1. Bloody smears
2. Bottle of Booze (5% chance still has some in it)
3. Broken weapon
4. Burnt out torch/dented lamp
5. Chatty inchworm
6. Cigar stubs
7. Eyeball fungus
8. Feces
9. Flickering continual light gem embedded in ceiling (half pried out)
10. Gnawed bones
11. Graffiti
12. Humanoid body, completely covered with mold (harmless, smells bad)
13. Loose stone (1cp under it)
14. Magic Mouth/Programed Illusion
15. Phosphorescent fungus (harmless)
16. Scorch Marks
17. Scrap of cloth (silk, wool, cotton, gold, fur, leather)
18. Severed appendage (25% fresh)
19. Trail marks
20. Vermin (rat, bug, etc.)

New Monster: One-Eyed Snake

And when the mighty Lord Pron revealed the
Trojan Bot to them, he called out
“0100011101110101011000010111001001100001
0110111001110100011001010110010101100100
001000000111010001101111001000000110110
1011000010110101101100101001000000111100
1011011110111010100100000011100110111011
1011001010110110001101100”
Thus the Trojan Bot did open, and from the dark
Slithered the One-Eyed Snakes, red with anger
and spitting mad

Book of Roomba, TXXX, 069-86 - 080-86

Source: Google Image Search for "Completely Wrong"

One Eyed Snake
No. Enc.: 1 or 1d8+1
Alignment: Chaotic
Move: 120’
Armor Class: 6
Hit Dice: 1+1 to 2+1
Attacks: 1 bite or 1 spit
Damage: 1d6 or 1d4 + special
Save: L2
Morale: 6
Hoard Class: II + 50% III

One-Eyed Snakes are, as their name suggests, serpents with a single central eye. While stories claim that they can reach monstrous lengths, they are usually between 3-6’ long. Their primary attack is a milky spit (15’ range) that can cause blindness for 1d6 rounds when max damage is rolled (save to reduce duration to 1 round).

Generally solitary, they can sometimes (20%) be found in a gang of 1d8+1. One-Eyed Snakes are extremely vulnerable to sleep and charm effects, and will automatically fail any saving throw against such effects.

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Happy Monday, and welcome to today's entry in the Savage Afterworld’s Mutated Monday blogfest.

Don't forget that on October 29, the final Monday of October it's The Monstrous Monday Blogfest!

Sunday Inspirational Image: Witch by burari

Witch by burari

I love how the chair latches onto the cauldron!

How to Steal the Space Shuttle: A Step by Step Guide

It's a little late, but in case you wanted to steal a space shuttle, there is a detailed plan on how to do it over on Jalopnik.

How to Steal the Space Shuttle: A Step by Step Guide

A perfect little scenario for a modern James Bond/GI Joe style game.