Classic 80's Horror Quick Reviews

Over the course of October I watched a handful of classic 80's horror movies. Some silly, some serious, and some that surprised me. 

Phantasm - Okay, technically this was 1979, but close enough... As for the movie itself, I don't even know... I think the best way to watch this one is after being up 2 days straight, and watching it at like midnight. It's so messy. I get what they were going for... mostly... kinda? Of all the movies on the list, it's the one that has most stuck in my brain. Apparently it stuck in the writer/director's brain too, cause they made 4 sequels, the last of which came out in 2016... Is it crazy I'm considering watching them?

Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Campy, silly, and shockingly restrained on the gore. They were really keeping to the PG-13 rating on this one. Aside from making it somewhat kid friendly, it was pretty much exactly what they promised. 

Chopping Mall - Teens locked in a mall at night with killer security robots. When you think of 80's horror/slasher type films, this is exactly the type of movie you're thinking of, with all the expected levels of questionable writing & acting, nudity, and gore. 

From Beyond - An HP Lovecraft story updated with 80's tech. Better than it deserved to be, but I'm also a big fan of Jeffry Combs from his days on Star Trek DS9, so I'm sure that influences things a little. I want to go read the original story and see how much it diverges from it. There's definitely a lot to talk about in the framing of BDSM in the movie, but it's really too much for this quick review, not really in the theme of the blog, and I'm sure others have already written on it. 

Re-Animator - Also an HP Lovecraft story adaptation, made the year before From Beyond, with many of the same actors, but not as good. It just didn't hold my attention the same way, but then I think things from other dimensions make more interesting antagonists than zombies.

Lifeforce - Sexy Space Vampires who spend most of the movie naked. Mathilda May is stunning and otherworldly, and make watching the movie worth it all by herself. It was a wildly ambitious movie in scope, storytelling, and special effects (which hold up remarkably well). Unfortunately it ends up a bit of a mess reaching has far as it did, but it's still impressive. 

Mini-Reviews: Polite Society Chang'an, Fast Times! The Surprises!

This set of reviews were the movies that exceeded my expectations. 

Polite Society

I absolutely love a good bonkers bollywood movie, and Polite Society delivers exactly that. Priya Kansara as the younger sister trying to stop the wedding of her older sister (played by wonderfully by Ritu Arya) was a blast to watch. It was over the top, action packed, and fun. It also wasn't too long, it did what it was going to do, made it fun and pretty, and then wrapped itself up.  

Fast Times At Ridgemont High

Okay, the only reason I really wanted to watch this movie was because of the Jimmy Buffett doing Spicoli's Theme. Being an early 80's coming of age high school movie there was the expected nudity and sex. What I didn't expect was how well developed the characters were, and how frankly it addressed abortion. I can only imagine the negative press that it would have gotten if it was released today. 

Chang'an

I saw a clip from this movie at one of the museums we visited in China, and I was thrilled to see it was available on the flight home. It's a historical drama that "follows the story of the decades-long friendship of poets Li Bai and Gao Shi amid the Tang dynasty's transition from peak prosperity to the turmoil of the rebellion led by An Lushan, one of Emperor Xuanzong's most favored generals." (from Wiki) It was beautiful and moving. I wish that I spoke Mandarin well enough to understand it without subtitles, because the poets are some of the most revered in China. 

Mini-Reviews: Annihilation, Jupiter Ascending, 65

Annihilation

This was an interesting, kinda artsy movie, full of beautiful visuals, and characters that should have been more interesting than they were. I kept expecting the movie to pay off, but in the end it just didn't do it for me. 

I did appreciate that it was basically an all woman team, that they were all competent professionals (well, maybe not the team leader/psychologist. She needed her own therapist.) but I had a hard time caring about them, especially Natalie Portman's character. All in all it just fell flat. 

Jupiter Ascending

Yet another pretty movie with some really interesting ideas that the movie just barely touches on. There's so much interesting world building that is mentioned, hinted at, and... largely ignored. The story itself was bland, and yes Channing and Mila and Eddie are all very pretty and nice to look at, but man did it leave me wanting SO MUCH MORE. Someone give me a setting book for this universe and I'll happily run a sci-fi game set in it.

65

I... ok, crashed astronauts vs dinosaurs. But they're alien astronauts...  so the fact that it's on Earth, in spite of the fact they look human... Eh.

Mini-Reviews: I ain't afraid of no ghost! The Reboots

While flying to and from China, I got to watch a lot of movies, and they were all new to me. I specifically picked things that I hadn't yet seen, and wanted to, but hadn't for various reasons. Some are just too new, others haven't hit a streaming service I have access too, others got skipped because it felt like there were other movies I wanted to see more. 

Ghostbusters Afterlife
Ghostbusters Frozen Empire

I've been waiting forever for Afterlife to hit a streaming service I have forever, and just before I left for China Frozen Empire hit Netflix... but not Afterlife! Thankfully the plane had both. I really enjoyed how they brought back the Ghostbusters in this reboot. While I liked the 2016 version this was a clearly much more connected to the original way to go, and brought back the original cast & characters in a much more organic way. By the time we get to Frozen Empire, things are a little busier, a little more serious. Still fun though, and I hope to see another installment in this series. 

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

I was really unsure how this was going to work... but it did. It isn't great, and not as good as the Ghostbusters movies, but still enjoyable.I will say the cast was great, but Monica Bellucci was wasted in the role, and her character, such as it was, felt so flat (a word that should never be used in a sentence with her).

All in all an enjoyable movie, solid followup to the wonderful original. I hope they skip making a third movie.

Halloween Movies: Friday the 13th (1980)

 Of the classic horror/slasher movies I've watched, this one was my least favorite. 

While more gory than either Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween, the fact that the whole story isn't told till the end made most of it just seem... random, and that made it feel boring. I wonder if they had shown Jason's death at the beginning would have helped. Especially if they'd leaned into it being the ghost of the kid doing the killing. The twist at the end of it being his crazy mother would have been more satisfying. 

Another annoying bit was how dark so much of the movie was. Sure, a lot of it was at night in a rain storm, but come on... I still need to actually see what's going on.

I did like how Jason did show up at the end though, and I've heard part 2 is better. We'll see.

Halloween Movies: Halloween (1978)

Last October I decided to start watching some of the classic horror movies from the 70s and 80s that I missed as a kid, and I started with Nightmare on Elm Street and was shocked at how good it was. Now I didn't get very far into this little project, so this year I'm starting a little early, and Tuesday night I watched Halloween.

Not I'm not a big horror fan, which is obvious given my lack of having seen this classic, but because it's such a classic so many elements of it have made their way into pop culture that much of it felt familiar.  I also have to give props to the film maker for not relying on cheap jump scares. Mike Meyers isn't scary cause he jumps out at you, but because he just keeps coming. Of course they don't start there... they rightly build up to it, slowly just having him be there. Just bring present, watching, lurking, and freaking out the kids.

Overall I really enjoyed it, with only 2 complaints. 

1. I felt the sound balance was off. The music was just a tad too loud

2. He killed the dog. I hate that. Go ahead and murder the randy teens, but leave the animals alone 

Interestingly I expected more blood/gore. For all the violence, it was remarkably restrained.

The real question becomes, how do you make a D&D monster like that?

Review: Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

Finally I was able to watch Doctor Strange 2. Due to the pandemic I've been avoiding going to the movies, and sometimes waiting for stuff to come to streaming is... less than fun. Thankfully this was worth the wait. 

 Warning, this post contains spoilers. 

Okay, I'm not going to recap the movie. Either you've seen it, or you've read about it. 

What in the hell was Strange and/or Wong waiting for to go talk to Wanda. Dudes, powerful emotionally unstable witch, and you all just... ignore her? How'd that turn out? 

Raimi's style definitely shines through, especially with the more horrific bits. Probably one of the most visually frightening of the MCU movies, and certainly one with the most named character deaths... Including Strange... twice. 

I was sad at the lack of Loki/Sylvie.

At the end I find myself wondering how dead Wanda/The Scarlet Witch is. With the destruction of the necronomicron, I mean the Darkhold, maybe she can finally move forward? I kinda felt like a good chunk of WandaVision got kinda ignored. And sure, maybe the Darkhold was corrupting her, but... eh. I wanted more of the Other Other Other Stranges, and less of what they settled on for Wanda. 

Still glad I finally got to see it. I give it a 3.5/5. Would have been better to have taken more from What If... and treated Wanda with more understanding.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings

I just got back a little bit ago from seeing Shang-Chi, and I have to say it's a solid introduction of the character into the MCU!

The story isn't anything too original, but it's well done, and the comedy beats, usually provided by Awkwafina are great and had me laughing. I also really appreciate that the friendship between Shang-Chi and Kate (Awkwafina's character) is deep, loving, and platonic. 

The special effects were up to the usual Marvel standard, the choreography looked good (certainly better than Iron Fist), and the cameos and twists toward the end played out well, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this ties in with Spider-Man and Doctor Strange going forward. 

Retro-Review: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Back to my Star Wars reviews... 

The conclusion of the original trilogy!

After the bit of a downer end of ESB, we find our heroes rescuing their friend Han from the clutches of Jabba the Hut. As with the entirety of the original trilogy, the practical effects, the puppetry, and the shooting locations help ground this movie in a way that to many modern movies and shows fail at.

One thing I'd specifically like to take a moment to comment on is Slave Leia, or, most appropriately, Hut Slayer Leia!! Carrie Fisher does such a wonderful job in her role as Princess Leia. I really love how over the years she embraced the fandom, in spite of her own difficulties. She really did become the space mom we all need, flipping off the haters, and spreading love and glitter wherever she went.

RotJ does suffer a little, coming after the powerful ESB, but it makes the best of it, hitting all of the powerful beats it needed to. Luke going off to confront his father and the emperor, the struggle in the throne room as he watches his friends fighting and dying, the moment of temptation as he reaches for his lightsaber in anger, and of course the redemption of Anakin Skywalker.

Then there's the ewoks. I get that they aren't the most impressive things in the universe, but they are kinda impressive in not only how they helped to take down the empire, but in how they had so many traps ready for the fight!

The original celebration on the forest moon of Endor is added to in the new version that shows celebrations on planets all over the galaxy. While I appreciate them showing it that way, it fails to blend in as seamlessly as I'd like.  

All in all this is a satisfying conclusion to the trilogy. 

Next up: The Force Awakens!

Avatar the Last Airbender Live Action Abomination

Some friends and I decided to binge Avatar the Last Airbender when it hit Netflix last month, and as an added bonus decided to do a drunken Netflix party for the live action movie after we were all done.

Now, we knew it was bad going in.

Nothing prepared us for just how truly bad it was on so many levels.

Warning, this review has spoilers for the cartoon (though I’m assuming you’ve seen the show), and, I guess, for the movie, but if this review tells you anything, it’s don’t watch the movie, not even as a drunken late night there’s nothing better (trust me, there’s something better) to watch.

The movie is basically the first season of the TV show (around 8-9 hours), condensed into about 90 minutes. All of the broad brush strokes of the show are there, from the basic storyline to the characters.

Yet it gets just about everything wrong. It’s almost as if "M. Night" Shyamalan only watched The Ember Island Players, and wrote the movie based on that. And none of the actors was allowed to watch the show at all, based on their performances.

Let’s start with the characters.

Aang, the fun loving airbender rarely cracks a smile and isn’t shown playing around.

Katara looks like she’s constantly on the brink of crying, can’t act, and just looks wrong, and not just because she’s white. She’s missing the hair loops! Actually, bad hair choices are a constant, but we got here first. Plus it feels really awkward for her to be hitting on Aang.

Sokka is the most whiny Anakin Skywalker character since Hayden Christensen. Where are the jokes? Where are the sarcastic comments? Where is anything that makes Sokka the ‘normal’ member of the Aag Gang that we know and love? And back to the hair… they ALMOST got it right… Which makes it kinda worse? Cause it stands out when no one else is even close… except for Aag, who’s just bald. Hard to screw that up.

Zuko… What’s Zuko’s defining visual characteristic? The scar. What’s barely visible in the movie version? The scar. His face should be seriously messed up. The scar should be angry and livid. Zuko should be Angry, full of the fire of pain and shame and resentment, and the scar should be the visual symbol of it. Instead Zuko comes off as the second whiniest Anakin Skywalker character to grace the big screen since Hayden Christensen.

And look, I think Hayden Christensen gets a bad wrap. He wasn’t exactly working with stellar script writing, and Lucas is crap at dialogue. But since Episodes II and III, there’s no excuse for any teen character to come off this poorly.

Appa… good lord, that face will haunt my nightmares…

Momo was… there.

Fire Lord Ozai was also there… and didn’t need to be. The Emperor didn’t show up in Episode IV. Ozai also totally lacked any of the menace the cartoon version presented. Just… He was a rich dude in charge and… eh?

Commander Zhao also just came off like a chump. Seriously, where’s the menace? Where’s anything that looks like they’re actually a danger? Where’s the fact that the Fire Nation has spent the last CENTURY taking over the world? Also, why does Zhao spend all his time at the capital? Doesn’t he have an avatar to capture? Instead we get him briefing Ozai, and delivering tons of exposition (more on this below). You know what’s not menacing? Briefings.

General Iroh… Were they even trying? At all? There was a vague attempt to make most of the characters look at least sort of vaguely like their cartoon counterparts, but Iroh? Not even close. Also no focus at all on his love of tea. How do you set up season 3 (or the 3rd movie) without mentioning tea?

Princess Yue was… good. I think they actually got her look right. The actress was fine given how little she had

Then we get to all the random changes to the plot from the original that they changed for no good reason that I can tell. A couple of these really stuck out to me.

Master Pakku/Waterbending - Instead of the Push/Pull theory of waterbending, we get “acceptance” a kinda of wishy washy go with the flow line of BS that divorces it from the yin/yang of the ocean and moon spirits… Why? Yet another example of Shyamalan shooting himself in the foot.

Also where were all the anti-sexist themes that ran through the show and made it more than a cartoon? Sokka’s big character arc (one of them, anyway) was outgrowing his sexist attitudes. Katara had to fight Master Pakku to get him to teach her. Princess Yue was being married off to a young promising soldier. All cut out.

The Siege of Ba Sing Se from 600 days in the show to 100 days in the movie… Why? Instead of seeming impressive with a 600 day siege, this makes Iroh seem weak, and the Fire Nation toothless.

Aang has a dragon spirit guide instead of Roku. Why? The whole deal with the Avatar is that he has the power of all his past lives living inside of him. Another failure to properly set up future storylines.

Firebenders have to have some fire around them to do their bending. That’s a HUGE change from the show, and changes the entire nature of the relationship of the Fire Nation to the other nations of the planet. Was M. Night Shyamalan actively trying to make the Fire Nation as neutered as possible? Again, where’s the actual menace? This movie doesn’t even have a Phantom Menace, it’s got negative menace.

The drill hats of the Fire Nation for the assault on the Northern Watertribe’s city were brilliant. The lone moment of genuine amusement in the whole depressing movie. They’re ridiculous, but I really liked them.

That out of the way, the editing and pacing of the movie was completely off. For example, early in the movie when the Fire Nation comes to the southern water tribe’s village looking for Aang, Zuko threatens the village if Aang refuses to come with him. Aang says he’ll go instantly. Zuko barely even finished the threat before Aang agreed. No pause to look around, nothing. Then… THEN a firebender kicks some fire toward the villagers. WTF?

The interruption of the action of the movie for long boring moments of exposition were painful and frequent. For what should have been an action movie, there was way too much telling, and not showing. Most of the exposition seemed unhelpful and confusing on top of being delivered in the most boring way possible. Even the info scroll at the beginning of the movie was less helpful than the tv show introduction.

Since I’ve mentioned the “action” can I just say how unconvincing it was? Not even getting into the bending, just the basic martial arts were pretty terrible. When you can have the Dread Pirate Roberts and Inigo Montoya perform one of the most brilliant sword fights ever captured on film, even though neither actor was a trained martial artist, when you can have someone like Jackie Chan do amazing things, when you have countless trained fight choreographers and martial artists there’s no excuse for such lousy fights on a martial arts film.

And the bending… I get it. It had to be CGI. But it was done in such a way as to look like CGI. No one bending ever looked like they were actually bending, they never interacted with it like it was real. They didn’t believe it, and so neither did anyone watching.

All in all, this was perhaps one of the worst movie experiences I’ve ever had. My friends and I all stopped the movie multiple times to vent at how bad it was, and to refill our respective drinks of choice, because there was no way we’d have made it through the movie sober.

I haven’t even gotten to the horrible racist casting choices. Making the Fire Nation all Indian/Middle Eastern looking while all the protagonists are white? Really?

REALLY? That's some messed up internalized racism there.

But going on about this is beating a dead horse.

In the end, the best thing any of us could say was the drill hats were funny, and Aasif Mandvi has a great voice, even if it was criminally used. The worst things (and it was really hard to pick) were Iroh, Sokka (his hair especially, but everything really), and Appa.

Save yourself, and never see this abomination.

Retro-Review: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

The Death Star has been destroyed! But the Empire's grip on the galaxy is still growing tighter. The rebellion is staying just ahead of Darth Vader...

It's generally accepted that ESB is the best of the Star Wars movies. It's darker than the first, introduces some amazing new characters (including Lando, Yoda, Boba Fett, and Willrow Hood), and has one of the most repeated (and misquoted) plot twists.

The special effects are even better than before, from the yeti monster to the AT-ATs to Yoda himself. There's something so amazing and timeless and real that comes from practical effects. As good as anything in the prequels, the effects here far surpass them.

As with ANH, I watched the "updated" version for this review. I actually had to go and look up to see what had changed. It was far more seamlessly done. Plus the shots of Cloud City I have to say were much improved (IMHO) with the changes.

So, is it weird that I praise the old effects on one hand, and then praise the updated effects that were cut in? Maybe.

Either way, as Lando and Chewie fly off, leaving Luke and Leia behind to go find Han, things wrap on a bit of a downer, and you're left feeling rather emotionally drained... Time for a short break, then we Return for the next Retro-Review!

Retro-Review: Star Wars A New Hope

We're back to the beginning... A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

There's been so much written about Star Wars since it first lit up the big screen back in '77 that there is literally nothing I could say that hasn't been said in fan discussions, college papers, books, magazines... It is literally a cultural touchstone, a cinematic masterpiece, a sci-fi work that everything that has been made since is compared to.

And look, I'm a Star Trek fan at heart, but even I feel the stirring in my chest when Luke stands out watching the twin suns set and John William's score kicks off.

In the decades since, with prequels, sequels, books, comics, cartoons, and everything that has come from this first movie, it's impossible to watch it with the innocence of someone in 1977. Can you watch Alec Guinness and not think about Ewan McGregor? (or James Arnold Taylor?) Can you watch and not think about Chewie knew Yoda, or how Vader is Luke and Leia's dad?

That said, I tried my best.

A New Hope stands the test of time. The special effects are still special, the music is AMAZING, the acting is better than a silly sci-fi romp deserves, and there's little that needs improvement. I have watched both the original versions and the improved ones, and honestly... Some of the improvements are actually improvements. I like the extra characters in Mos Eisley, and the slightly expended landscapes.

But one thing that absolutely needs to be said: HAN SHOT FIRST.

That said, A New Hope is wonderful... though i kinda wish we could have gotten something a little closer to this fight.

Star Wars Re-Review: Rogue One

I originally reviewed Rogue One back in 2016. You can click here to read that review.



Taking the time to go back through the galaxy spanning saga that is Star Wars, this is the movie that I find myself returning to. Is it weird that my favorite movie is one that doesn't focus on the Skywalkers?

I only barely touched on Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang as Chirrut Îmwe and Blaze in my previous review, which is a crime. These two brought so much to the movie. And sure, they were the stand ins for the Jedi, but given the focus on the Kyber Crystals, it makes sense. Given what's been shown of the Jedi Order in the movies, it's nice seeing others with Force connections. And yes, there's Finn, who is clearly force sensitive, if not yet a force user, but here in Rogue One we have 2 very different force users. Blaze with his heavy blaster cannon and broken faith and his friend Jiang, blind but so connected to the force that he can take on an entire squad of storm troopers with just his staff or shoot a tie fighters out of the air with his blaster bow.

We see these two adrift, their temple raped, their order destroyed, and the boot of the empire crushing all beneath it. Like everyone else in this movie, the inexorable crushing machine that is the empire is rolling over them, pushing them to the brink, and this movie is about how some individuals choose to face it, knowing the odds.

It isn't a perfect movie, but it is good in spite of some of the storytelling flaws, and carried by some excellent acting from some excellent actors. And in the final analysis, I think that this may be the best Star Wars movie so far.

Retro Review: Revenge of the Sith

Apparently I got my posting order wrong, and posted Solo before this. Ah well...

---

We all know where this is going, where it has to go... how it has to end.



One of the downsides of doing direct prequels is that the story has to end up where you know it will, and because we know who the key players are, we know who lives, and who dies, though we might not know exactly the route taken to get there.

For example, how does Padme die? How are the Jedi killed off? How does Luke end up on Tatooine, while Leia ends up on Alderaan?

Episode III continues to suffer from much that plagued Episodes I and II, namely the terrible dialogue (which leads to flat performances), and an over reliance on CGI. So little of the prequels feels real in the way things felt real in the original trilogy largely because they aren't real. There's nothing there for the actors to see, to interact with. Green screens and characters that aren't really there make for a boring performance.

But I do have to give the CGI artists props for their work. It is all very grandiose, appropriately visually stunning as a good space opera should be. I just wish more of it had been real. Thankfully this is a lesson that the later movies and shows are taking into account, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Chancellor Palpatine has played everyone, from the Jedi Council to the Senate to the Separatists... and as he corrupts Anakin rather blatantly, playing on his fears of Padme's death in childbirth, he admits to being the sith lord, and then waits for the Jedi to come to him. Serious power move on his part. Anakin's fall is possibly the best bit of acting Hayden Christensen performs in the movies. At least it's the first bit I actually believed.

Kenobi's heart break also felt real. When he watched the security footage of Anakin killing the younglings? When they crossed sabres on Mustafar, when he left him for dead... I believed that too.

One of the worst parts of the movie, and the one that gets brought up regularly (and deservedly) is Padme's dying of a broken heart. But did she? Palpatine couldn't let her live. Did he kill her? Honestly, that seems much more likely... I wish the idea was better supported in the movie though.

Star Wars Re-Review: Solo

2 years ago, I watched Solo: A Star Wars Story, and then wrote about it here.



Watching it again, my feelings are much as they were before. This was a completely unnecessary film that was still a blast to watch. I really appreciated more this time all the little touches on the Corellia shipyards that I missed the first time around. The stack of partly assembled Tie fighters in frames ready for shipping? It helps make everything feel more connected. More real. Like the Empire really is a massive force that takes over everyone's life in some way, shape, or form.

Plus Han grubbing around in the mud like some poor trooper? Captured that feeling of war from the perspective of someone too smart to be in one and charging for that next muddy hill without a good reason.

And as before, I'm still mourning the fact that we haven't gotten a Lando movie after this... We've seriously been robbed.

Star Wars Retro Review: Attack of the Clones

Episode II: Not as bad as Episode I, right? Well... maybe?



Here's the thing... no one in these movies is a bad actor, but the force preserve us, they had some bad direction.

And look, I get it, Anakin is supposed to have flaws that Palpatine uses against him, uses to turn him to the dark side, but... What a whiny little brat. Kenobi is kinda obnoxious, Padme is... just... it was all painful, ok, and instead of a cool sith lord like Maul, we got an old dude.

Okay, yes, the old dude just happened to be Christopher Lee, and he worked it for what it was worth, and yeah, he got a LOT more to work with than Maul did. But I'm still bummed that Maul got so little when he deserved so much more.

And you can see that they're trying to address the shortcomings of Episode I, but... I don't know, it just lacks something that, for all that was wrong with it, Phantom Menace managed to capture.

Not helping things is the fact that the Jedi council is just blind and dumb for all they attempt to be wise and all knowing.

On the other hand, there were lots of cool ships, laser swords, big battles, and I have to admit the whole Clone Army was kinda great. (Again, the Jedi are so dumb...)

Retro Review: The Phantom Menace

I recently got Disney+, because why not. We're living in a pandemic, and it isn't like I can go out for a fun night on the town. And they've got the Star Wars movies, and since I'm going to be stuck inside for a while, why not watch them all? It's been a long time since I've seen most of them, especially the prequels, even though I listen to the soundtracks pretty often.

So, Episode I:

The Phantom Menace.

Everyone remembers how bad this is, right?

Well... maybe not as bad as you remember.

And look, I'm not saying it's GOOD. It has some good stuff in it, but... a trade blockade? Senate maneuverings? This isn't exactly exciting stuff to be basing an action adventure movie around. And yes, the performances are a little wooden, and the dialogue is kinda painful, and yes midichlorians.

We don't even need to get into the racism. Others have covered it way better than I ever could.

I get it. I could honestly fill several blog posts with criticism. But it's all been said, and it all overshadows the fact that there is a lot to enjoy in The Phantom Menace.

You get some amazing jedi action, fun call backs to the original trilogy, the pod race is actually kinda fun, and the music is amazing. Droid armies are cool, getting to see Coruscant, bounty hunters, death sticks, air speeders, the jedi council, slightly younger yoda, Darth Maul!! While criminally under utilized, Darth Maul was great, and anyone who says they didn't want a double ended lightsaber is LYING.

I really do with that George Lucas could have had someone on staff to help clean it up though, and maybe someone else direct it.

It was also built up with such hype that it couldn't have ever lived up to it. Look at what happened with Episodes 7-9.

Episode 1 isn't a great Star Wars movie... but it's an okay one. Give it another shot when you get the chance. There's some stuff to celebrate.

Review Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is the generally satisfying conclusion to the Skywalker saga.

This post contains spoilers, but first, the non-spoiler review.

Overall I enjoyed this final installment of this trilogy. It gave me everything I want and expect from a Star Wars movie, delivered in a slick Disney approved package. There were lightsabers, an extravagant amount of new ships and exciting space battles, new aliens, new planets, old planets, familiar old faces, and the battle between the light and dark sides.

It's no spoiler that Palpatine is back, and no shock, pulling the strings. I wasn't sure I'd like how that got fit into the story, but it worked. It wasn't necessarily the way I'd have done it, but then there were a bunch of story choices in it that I'd have done a little differently. None of it was bad, just... it never really reached what I thought could be great.

Also, for a 2.5 hour long movie, it actually needed another 20-30 minutes. Everything was just so rushed, and the movie, the story needed a little extra time to breathe.

Spoilers below

I appreciate how much of the story is Ben Solo's story. His arc is as important as Rey's, especially as it's such a good mirror of hers. He struggles to embrace the Dark Side, has to work at it... and in the end fails. His cracked helmet is the most visible sign of the struggle. He is redeemed, at least a little. He's still responsible for the deaths of countless individuals, the destruction of multiple planets. So by any measure, he's a war criminal of epic proportions, but at the end he found redemption in his sacrifice. I wish that they'd have skipped the kiss at the end. I get it, he and Rey have a connection, but...

Rey and Ben's fight on the Death Star was interesting. I really appreciate how everyone has different fighting styles, and how much is communicated through them, and what I got most out of that fight was that neither of them actually wanted to be fighting the other. Especially Rey. She seemed to be working really hard to just get on with her mission, and Ben was just in the way. She wanted to stop him, but a lightsaber battle wasn't gonna get it done.

Rey's battle with the Dark Side continues to show just how seductive it is. I really felt it was all cheapened by the revelation of her parentage. It was just so unnecessary. The last thing the story needed was to tie her in to the Palpatine bloodline, especially as there was no hint that Palpatine was married, or had kids, or a clone, or... something, anything?

Fin being force sensitive makes sense. Poe being a former drug smuggler wasn't much of a shock either. Scoundrels do bad things. Even if they have hearts of gold.

The way the movie handled General/Jedi Master Leia Organa worked. I do wonder how much of that was forced by Carrie Fisher's death, and how much was planned.

The Knights of Ren were, hands down, the biggest disappointment of the movie. They didn't really DO anything, they never SAID anything, they were just sort of... there. And lacking lightsabers or force pikes or anything... just. Eh. Such a waste of a cool idea.

Overall, it was a solid movie. I'll certainly watch it again, but probably not while it's in the theater.

Review: Avengers Endgame

This is a spoiler free review!



It did not go like I thought it was going to go. It did tie up a lot of loose ends, and paved the way for the next Phase of the MCU. Having 5 years go by made for some really interesting storytelling, and I wonder how some of the MCU shows are going to handle it.

I kinda hate that we're not going to get to see those 5 years play out with the Defenders. 

There was a bit of ugly crying, shocking deaths, and good laughs.

I'm excited to see where they're going to go from here. I'm curious how they're going to handle certain movies that are supposed to be coming up in light of the events of Endgame.

Shazam!

Good Goofy Fun!

This post will contain spoilers



My cousin took my out to see Shazam for my birthday. I’ve been iffy on DC superhero movies, since they can’t seem to find the right balance between silly and… not even serious but EMO!!!!

Shazam nails it. Orphan Billy Batson, lost in a fair at 3 years old, is looking for his mom, ends up with a cool foster family (seriously, I wish they were all like this) and gains the powers of the wizard Shazam!

Before Billy though, there were other children… children who failed… and one spends his life hunting down a way to get the power he was denied. Dr. Sivana made for a really sympathetic villain, and also you could tell Mark Strong had a blast playing the part.



Honestly, the story exactly what it appears to be in the previews, but the way it’s handled is so perfectly done, and with just enough twist to make it memorable. Especially when Billy finally does find his mom, and it turns out she was just a scared teenager who made a bad choice, and has apparently made more bad choices going forward. I didn’t expect that they were going to go that way with the story.

I also appreciated how important family was in this movie. And it didn’t matter that it wasn’t family by blood, but rather family by choice. Found family, collected family, family that’s a little broken, but still good. Yes, I’m thinking of Lilo and Stitch here.



DC has finally managed to make a movie that should be the template for their cinematic universe. Now, obviously there isn’t going to be anything quite so silly as “Big, but with Super Powers” but they need to step away from the GRIM DARK EMO MY PARENTS ARE DEAD schtick, and make it FUN.

And stay for the scene at the end of the credits. Totally worth it.