Fuck Trump (part 2)

The response to my post on Sunday “Fuck Trump” about how RPG.net and Ravelry banned posts showing support for Trump was… well, there was only one response. A special little snowflake felt the need to try to comment on it.

Twice.

3 hours apart.

But I’ve got comment moderation turned on because of all the spam bots that would otherwise flood my blog. So poor triggered Brian’s attempts to spew bile failed.

So he emailed me. Because of course he did. He had to be sure that this "libtard" knew that my blog was "marginally interesting" until that post.

Brian Fiscus, I hope you see this.

Fuck you.
Fuck Trump supporters.
Fuck anyone who approves of children being kept in cages.
Fuck white supremacists, neo-nazis, neo-confederates, the KKK, gun nuts, and anyone who supports them.

Now, I'm gonna try to limit my politics here, and get back to the gaming material.

---

And now for your Joesky Tax

What do the goblins want?
1. Bug Juice, the good stuff...
2. The dwarf's boot laces
3. Something to add to their collection of shiny things
4. A pet
5. Picture books
6. Black leather outfits
7. Colorful wrestling masks
8. Something that goes "BOOM!"
9. A new home
10. A new god
11. A new boss
12. Lunch

Stonehell Events

To make things a little more interesting, and to show how the nixthisis is responding to the party’s stomping through the dungeon, I want to put together a chart for events/moods of the dungeon. One thing that’s really become apparent is that lesser undead aren’t a threat, and most other low level monsters aren’t either, with the exception of things with poison or resistance to non-magical weapons.

Last session I actually bumped up the challenge in one room because even a single monster (wood golem) with resistance to magical weapons isn’t really a challenge, even though there are only 2 in the party (of 12+). 5th level characters really can just kind of stomp their way through a whole bunch of stuff. We’ll see if that holds when they decide to tackle the hobgoblins, which is going be soon, since the first level is seriously depopulated, and they’re in a prime position to expand!

1. Bad Moon Rising – Lycanthropes on the move!
2. The Stars Aren’t Right - All saving throws are at -1
3. Can’t sleep, the clowns will eat me – Any attempt to rest in the dungeon triggers a wandering monster roll
4. If these walls could talk – Ghosts, poltergeists, shadows all restless. Ectoplasm all over the place. Morale Rolls for NPCs required or fear effects.
5. Springtime, and everything is in bloom! – Fungal bloom. Save vs poison or suffer -1 to attack rolls due to allergies.
6. Small Men Resist – Highly organized tableaus all over the place. Mathematic equations written on walls.
7. The Dead Will Rise! – Any living thing killed will rise as an undead creature of appropriate HD and follow after their killers after 1d4 turns.
8. Earthquake! – Collapsed corridors/stairs? Flooding?
9. Redraw the map – A section of the dungeon shifts dramatically
10. Expansion – One power group expands their holdings into unoccupied area (if available) or against one of their neighbors.
11. Vermin Supreme – bugs, rats, and bats have a sudden population boom.
12. Quiet Time – roll d12 for wandering monsters. Reaction rolls tend away from fighting.
13. Spring Cleaning – Gelatinous Cubes scouring the halls, stairs, etc.
14. Where did that door come from: Hey look! A new sublevel opened up!
15. Nurgle’s Blessing – All monsters carriers of various diseases. Rat Plague, Mummy Rot, etc.
16. Warped Gate – Someone opened a portal, and it’s warping those around it.
17. Meet the New Boss – A wizard takes over an appropriate area (wizard’s school, hexperiment, etc.)
18. Blood for the Blood God – All attacks at -2 to hit, but melee attacks at +2 damage
19. Well that’s just Unseelie – The Wild Hunt visits Stonehell. Fey creatures hunting for victims. Pixies, gremlins, etc.
20. New Tenants – A new group takes up residence in the dungeon.

Thanks to Conrad W. Deitrick over on the FB Stonehell group for some ideas to flesh out the list!

Sunday Inspirational Image: Creepy Bottles

What's in that creepy bottle?

1. Angel tears
2. Ectoplasm
3. Dirt from the grave of a murderer
4. Wisdom teeth from actual wise men (2d6 total)
5. Distilled nightmares
6. Wedding night virgin's blood
7. Demon spit
8. Witch's scabs, warts, and fingernail clippings
9. The last breath of a paladin
10. Left eyeballs of little boys (2d4)
11. Powdered Minotaur horn
12. The queen's favorite perfume

by andrea falaschi

Toothless Rat Taphouse

To enter this fine establishment you must turn off the main street into an unpleasant ally and almost immediately descend 5 stone steps to a nondescript wooden door. Hanging above the doorway is a small wooden placard with a stylized rat burned onto it. When you open the door to the taphouse the first thing you'll notice is the smell of pipeweed. Next you'll see the stuffed rodent of unusual size (R.O.U.S.) that sits in the corner by the door. It's clearly very old, missing some fur, and of course it's teeth. When you look around to the taproom proper, you'll see an assortment of round wooden tables, support posts rising from floor to ceiling, and a wide variety of stools and chairs. Along the back wall three large casks rest behind the unadorned bar. Two small dirty windows look out onto the street, between them is a dartboard, and a fireplace is centered on the far wall. The rooms illumination is provided by several oil lamps, the fireplace, and whatever dingy light manages to shine through the windows. The patrons of the Rat are mostly neighborhood workers who come by at lunch and in the evening for a pint and a game of knuckle bones or darts. It's a fairly quiet bar, rarely visited by those from outside the neighborhood.

The barkeep is a bald human with dark skin named Red. He usually wears a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, dark pants and leather suspenders. His left forearm is notably scarred, and Red will gladly launch into a telling of his battle with a pack of giant rats who had crawled up through the sewers and attacked him in the back room back when the bar was called simply "Red's". With each telling the rat pack grows in size, and recently he's added a rat king to the tale! The truth is that there was but a single giant rat, but the damage their fight caused made it seem like there were many more! Red will be thrilled to have adventurers in his bar, just so long as they treat him as a fellow monster slayer, rather than just as a simple barkeep. Should he not receive the treatment he feels he deserves he will quickly become very unwelcoming.

Red serves ale of middling quality for an average price, and he keeps on hand some harder drinks for those who desire them. He also keeps a hot soup or stew pot (or two) cooking in the fireplace for those who need something filling, of not particularly flavorful. The pot's contents vary by day, but usually contain a variety of root vegetables, bones from the butcher, occasional scraps of meat, and sometimes a whole rat if Red catches one in his store room.

Daily Specials
1. Rat Kebab with turnips and onion
2. Sun dried fruits and fish
3. Mushroom "steaks"
4. Apple stuffed pork belly
5. Wild berry cobbler
6. Demon eggs and pickled greens
7. Rice gruel and a bacon friend egg
8. Sausage rolls with peppers


Originally published back on 10/16/09, but the map, rat, and chart are new.

Contest Entries! (part 3)

This post wraps up all entries in my giveaway contest.

What Is That Elf's Hairstyle?
by C. Vermeers
1) Long, untidy, but tied up with a metal headband/tiara.
2) Ropy dreadlocks.
3) Cut short and plastered tight.
4) Braids (roll d6: 1) 1 braid, 2-3) 2 braids, 4) 2 small braids at the temples, back left hanging free, 5) 2 small braids at the temples, 1 large braid in back, 6) lots of braids)
5) Short and spiky.
6) Long, combed straight.
7) Mohawk.
8) Pompadour.

Magic School Charts PDF from Brian Richmond.


-Teleportation Gone Very Wrong Table- by anonymous

1. The Warden
2. Alpha Complex
3. Vanth
4. New York City (1: 1989, 2: 1922)
5. Barsoom
6. Carcosa
7. Hyboria
8. Middle Earth
9. Grayhawk
10. Blackmoor
11. Planet Algol
12. The Death Star
13. Quintessa
14. Golarion
15. The Planet of the Apes
16. R'lyeh
17. The wild west (with or without dinosaurs, DM preference)

Adventure locale by Mark and Jen

1. Wilderness
2. Dungeon
3. Ruins
4. Tree tops

And finally Daniel Bishop sent this, my favorite entry of a random table.

Contest Entries! (part 2)

So I'm way behind on posting the next batch of contest entries.

First up for batch 2 - Swampcrawl an 8 page PDF by Thaumiel Nerub. I'll be making a lot of use of this one for my Friday night 5e games.

Christopher Dawson wrote up this Random Barnyard Animals table:

Die roll                 Animal

1	1d4 pigs
2	1d20 chickens
3	1d6 goats
4	1d12 sheep
5	1d20 cows
6	1d6 horses
7	1d6 mules
8	1d12 turkeys

Brian Wille did a Random Escape Pod Contents PDF.

Edwin Stahlnecker entered some really Random Events:

Item No.	Item Title	Item Description
1	Hail	Hail begins to fall in 10 minutes, lasting 30 minutes
2	Locus	Swarm of locus approach arriving in 10 minutes, lasting until all food is devoured
3	Mosquitoes	Mosquitoes approach arriving in 10 minutes, lasting until all liquids are devoured
4	Wind	Gust of wind (not the spell) sweeps over the party extinguishing all touches, etc.
5	Bump	Random player character daydreams and bumps their head on nearest surface (wall, ground, tree, etc.)
6	Can’t Find It	Random mundane item will accidentally fall out of random player characters backpack, sack, pouch, while breaking camp the next morning
7	Lizard	A family of small lizards are found inside a random player characters backpack, sack, pouch the next time they reach inside
8	Spider	A spider is fell crawling up a random player characters leg during the next combat action (PC does not know it is non-poisonous)
9	Flash	Random encounter starts off with casting of continued light, this causes a random player character to be surprised if in dark conditions
10	Bang	Random tree limp fans and startles the players characters the next time they pass a tree of 12’ or higher in height
11	Stare	Player character with highest Charisma score can’t help but to stare at the next member of the opposite sex they see
12	Drool	Random player character daydreams and inadvertently drools on themselves
13	Wet	Random player character begins to sweat profusely
14	Oozing	Random player character is unaware they were bitten by a (you make it up) during the night resulting in puss oozing from their ear 12 hrs later
15	Cough	The next time a player coughs, one of their player characters catches a cold
16	Sniff	Rest of party suddenly discovers that a random player character has built up a malodorous scent since the last time they bathed
17	Pfst!	Any players that pass gas result in all of their player characters having a malodorous scent for the next adventure
18	Rip	Random player character rips their pants seat the next time they bend over
19	Raff	Any player that snitches on another who passed gas, has all of their player characters having the most malodorous scent for the next adventure
20*	See Below	See Below
*Odd	Players Rules	Item No. = No. of living player characters
*Even	GM Rules	GM Choice

More tomorrow!

Contest Results!

I had 12 entries in my random table Free RPG Day contest:

1. Christian aka rorschachhamster entered a random Tail Generator
2. c. vermeers offered up D12 Random Table - What Does The Mage Use For Magical Protection
3. Dale Bailey entered Magic Missile Manifestations
4. Matthew Schmeer entered Minor Meddling Immortals
5. Thaumiel Nerub entered a Swampcrawl
6. Christopher Dawson wrote up a random barnyard animals entry
7. Brian Wille did Random Escape Pod Contents
8. Edwin Stahlnecker entered some Random Events
9. c. vermeers wrote What Is That Elf's Hairstyle? as his second entry into the contest
10. Brian Richmond created some Magic School Charts
11. A Teleportation Gone Very Wrong table was entered anonymously
12. And finally Daniel Bishop entered a random table. 

The winners (Brian Wille, Thaumiel Nerub, Dale Bailey, and c. vermeers) were rolled randomly using 4d12, and they each will be receiving either their first of second choice from the prizes. 

These are the first 4 entries. Once I've posted all 12, I will put them all together as a free PDF.

TAILGENERATOR by Christian

W30	Like a	Special
1	Alligator	-1 AC, but ½ damage by unbladed weapons
2	Armadillo	+1 AC
3	Bird of Paradise	Additional attack
4	Cat	Burning
5	Cock	Climb movement as normal movement
6	Cow	Colored like another animal (roll again)
7	Deer	Dazzling display
8	Devil/Demon	Detachable
9	Dog	Detachable and grows into adult monster within 1d6 days
10	Dolphin	Detachable and Reatachable
11	Fish	Diseased
12	Fox	Disgusting
13	Horse	Electric
14	Horseshoe Crab	Ever moving
15	Lion	Fabulous
16	Lizard	Freezing cold
17	Manticore	Grappling
18	Monkey	Has extra eye(s), -2 on surprise rolls
19	Peafowl	Looks odd...
20	Pheasant	Luminescent
21	Pig	Makes threatening sound
22	Rat	Place of brain (instead of head)
23	Scorpion	Poisonous attack
24	Skunk	Short
25	Snail	Showing feelings
26	Rattlesnake	Swim movement as normal movement
27	Springtail	Very big in relation
28	Stingray	Very long
29	Tentacle	With anal scent glands like a skunk
30	1d10+1 tails, reroll	Roll twice

Just roll two times, once for each column, and add a tail to your monster. Or NPC. Or even PC.

What Does The Mage Use For Magical Protection by c. vermeers
1 - A magic circle with crabbed writing around the edge

2 - An amulet carved from a star sapphire, depicting a rooster-headed figure with serpents for legs

3 - A small, sealed bottle filled with urine and iron nails

4 - A crucifix

5 - A small box containing magical writing on paper, fastened to the back of his hand with ribbon arranged in a specific pattern

6 - A human tooth that once belonged to a Saint

7 - A cockatrice bezoar set in a silver cage and hanging on a silver chain

8 - A union suit embroidered with magical symbols

9 - A dog skull engraved with secret signs

10 - A wooden disk with a concave surface, painted black with a red pentagram and mystic writing in white

11 - A circular, concave silver mirror set in a wooden triangle

12 - Roll twice on this table

 Magic Missile Manifestations by Dale Bailey

	A (d6) +	B (d20) +	C (d20) +
1	Fiery	Flaxen	Skull
2	Smoky	Burnished	Eyeball
3	Translucent	Permanganate	Eagle
4	Shiny	Bleached	Horseshoe
5	Pulsing	Sable	Teeth
6	Watery	Celadon	Coin
7		Gamboge	Spike
8		Xanthous	Hammer
9		Carmine	Hatchet
10		Gentiana	Beam
11		Tawny	Stiletto
12		Incarnadine	Arrow
13		Faience	Playing Card
14		Citrine	Thorn
15		Glaucous	Tree Branch
16		Roan	Knucklebone
17		Ivory	Meteor
18		Heliotrope	Ram
19		Skewbald	Ocean Wave
20		Sylvanite	Spinning Saw blade

And finally Minor Meddling Immortals which is a PDF by Matthew Schmeer that's well worth checking out.